In some ways, she still has controlling tendencies and I'm in my 40s. Remember Angela from the Tyler Perry Why Did I Get Married? movies? I believe it was the sequel when she said something about her husband along the lines of, "I don't want to control him I just want him to do what I say." That's my mother in a nutshell. Add control to that dynamic and it can make you a pretty challenging person to deal with. Because I am a very direct and pretty black-and-white kind of person when it comes to how I approach life, that already is…a lot. It wasn't until I became an adult that I realized that as much as I loathed her controlling ways, that some of that indeed had rubbed off on me. When that happens, oftentimes it causes us to become so scared of losing control as adults that we basically try and rule over everything around us.
I think a big part of the reason it played out that way is because she was raised in an out-of-control household. I can raise my hand in this class right here because I grew up with a controlling mother. You Control Others (Because Your Mama Controlled You) Or even a daughter, when you really stop to think about it.Ģ. But joining in the blood sport of publicly denouncing and belittling men-again, especially Black men-may be popular but it's still not a good look and it certainly does nothing for your romantic relationship or you as a parent if you happen to be raising a son. If you've been hurt by one, therapy can help with that. Trust me, there is nothing beneficial or even attractive about making it your personal mission to tear men-especially Black men-down.
#MOMMY ISSUES IN WOMEN SKIN#
If even just hearing that makes your skin crawl, spend some time thinking about what your mother told/taught you about men because, while it happens sometimes, it's rare that I know an instance where a woman hates men and her parents don't have something directly to do with it. Both make up who we are and both hold much validity. The reality is that none of us exist without an egg (woman) and sperm (man). And while, the first thing that comes to mind is, "What is your relationship with your dad like?", I've gotta say that the follow-up is usually, "How did your mom talk about men while you were growing up?" because just like a child isn't born, say, a racist, children also don't come out of the womb hating a gender either. After a while, I start to wonder if that's all some women think about. It's like, whenever I do tiptoe out into social media, it seems like a good 40 percent of posts from Black women that I see are how "trash" men are. You Hate Men (Because Your Mama Did/Does) So, are you ready to (possibly) take some Band-Aids off today? Here are seven signs that you may have some mommy issues that are still haunting your world right at this very moment-and maybe didn't even realize it. The silver lining is, once you recognize that as being a core issue, you can seek the help and healing that you need. Oh, but sis, if you had a broken, abusive or dysfunctional-on-some-level kind of mother, you might be surprised by how much that affected and infected you to some degree.įor instance, far too often, when I'm in a session with a couple, I realize that a lot of the drama and trauma is directly the result of a woman (and yes, sometimes a man but we're gonna deal with us today) who didn't have the best kind of mother when she needed one the most. Because I'm pretty sure that it's not just me who can relate to the fact that oftentimes, when we're trying to heal from our past, it's the daddy issues that tends to come up a lot, both in the media and in conversation. That said-whew-I think it's time that some of us dive into what it means to have real and significant mama issues. So, if just hearing that has already resonated with you, please wait until you're in a place and mental space where you can freely and safely take all of this in.
The reason why I say that is because it's been both my personal experience and observation that whenever we, as adults, dig into our childhoods, it can touch on some spots that may still be wounded or cause us to respond or react in ways that we didn't expect. This is not the kind of article that you skim real quick while you're supposed to be working or you take in during your lunch break if you're already not in the best of moods. Sooooo, I'm just gonna put it right on out there from front street.
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